and i live just to execute the sun...
and i live just to execute the sun...
Cold
Because of you I am dead behind the eyes
Because of you I am afraid of happiness,
and even hold guilt for it
I cry for you and I have no idea why
Maybe its because I am afraid that deep down
in a twisted, disturbing and nonsensical way,
that I am to blame for your loathing of me
The person who gave me life murdered my soul
My memories of a perpetual love and
peaceful home are chalked up to illusions
Guilt creeps in and out of me
as I write this, even
Why do you still have a hold on me,
my soul….my sanity?
My ability to empathize has been tainted
I recall only being happy for a mere six months,
before you put the nail in that coffin too
My subconscious believes you envied
the way I felt about _____.
It killed you to see me happy…
made you manic, even
You knew it would end.
Thus, it was my mind that took the dagger –
not my heart
Unfortunately for you, I was able to love again.
You despised that.
My mind, however…holds the vicious haunts
that you bestowed upon me
For a long while I pined over the question
“what if?”
What if I ignored your tormenting ways
and lived life for me?
The way you did.
What if I dared to disobey you
and think for myself just that one time,
for the first time?
What if I didn’t allow you to make me feel
so minute and powerless, against every shred
of dignity that I pretended to have?
You claimed you had reasons
why you treated me the way
you did; and I obliged
I credit you for your honesty –
one can never label you a liar
I’m cold…freezing even, and bitter
Because of you I have become you.
copyright 2017 jen persichetti
Haunted
You loved the thought of loving me,
but not the act
That is how you slept at night...
you played the victim both in
and out of your slumber
My nights were decrepit and empty
I slept only wanting to continue doing so…ceaselessly.
I wish I could say that was an embellishment
I hated your manipulative ways;
they stay with me to this day
My memory of you is a bleak one;
perched on your favorite stool in the kitchen
ranting about how miserable you were --
while sipping your morning coffee
Haunted; not thinking, but knowing
how unhappy you were.
I spent my weekdays dreading the sound
of the final bell;
when freedom was upon my peers
I walked off the bus to my dungeon;
with my backpack in hand.
Pathetically hoping for benevolence
I lingered outside, preparing myself
for the tidal wave of emotions
I was about to endure –
Again.
copyright 2018 jen persichetti
Lighthouse
I’m coming out of it – slowly but surely
My body is used to the aches;
my mind used to the turmoil
Chaos is all too familiar to me
[leaving]
I do not see the darkness anymore;
indigo is my hue
As I walk through the tunnel,
I feel empowered…like I’ve beat the odds.
I know it’s not a dream
because my dreams are desolate
This…this right here is foreign to me -
this is Euphoria
_____________________
I’m almost to the lighthouse now
I can see the yellow;
it flashes sporadically before me
The shackles are loosening –
the sky is in view….
I hear the waves of sovereignty,
deliverance is upon me.
I made it, I finally made peace with
the darkness and embraced the other side
This side is so much better than the latter.
Hope resides here, optimism is her neighbor
Salvation welcomes me –
at the lighthouse
copyright 2018 jen persichetti
I’m coming out of it – slowly but surely
My body is used to the aches;
my mind used to the turmoil
Chaos is all too familiar to me
[leaving]
I do not see the darkness anymore;
indigo is my hue
As I walk through the tunnel,
I feel empowered…like I’ve beat the odds.
I know it’s not a dream
because my dreams are desolate
This…this right here is foreign to me -
this is Euphoria
_____________________
I’m almost to the lighthouse now
I can see the yellow;
it flashes sporadically before me
The shackles are loosening –
the sky is in view….
I hear the waves of sovereignty,
deliverance is upon me.
I made it, I finally made peace with
the darkness and embraced the other side
This side is so much better than the latter.
Hope resides here, optimism is her neighbor
Salvation welcomes me –
at the lighthouse
copyright 2018 jen persichetti
Dark
And the dark is here...it’s here to stay
I was never fond of vanilla skies
and lovers lane anyway
I prefer the dark.
The skeletons in my closet
wouldn’t have it any other way
Secrets buried deep --
Lies and manipulation intertwined
[The dark is my favorite time of day]
copyright 2018 jen persichetti
the underdogs
the feelings never fade.
you know the ones…
the dreams of becoming “one of them”
thinking your life would
be better if you were…
you wonder if you’ll ever escape
the need to fit in
but what does that mean anyway?
– “FIT IN”
aren’t we all in this together?
or so they want us to believe…
i guess the world wouldn’t be
quite right without the Misfit
we are popular in our own right –
we are the ones wearing the beanies
and the tight pants… black of course
you know the kind –
we stay in on friday nights
they go out and live for the night
we can’t live without our tea and book
they prefer vodka…straight
and the company of their own
we’ll never be one of them…
and that’s okay
we’ll fight the good fight
and live to tell why
-- the anthem of the underdogs
copyright 2018 jen persichetti
Sinister
She said you’ll end up living a life like mine
It’s not in the cards for you to be happy…
______________
Dark as a December morn
Frozen heart and sinister thoughts
She stares at you in a way
that numbs you for days
She cripples you with her words
You believe the lies and surrender
to her requests
She got to you -
Here lie the remains of dignity and grace
Cryptic soul, warped mind
and slaughtered pride
The emaciated shell of what once was
- Never to be seen again
The sea of black departed
and the final words were declared
A single white rose dropped at her feet
She always said I’d end up
living a life like hers...
copyright 2018 jen persichetti
