her truth in words.
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and i live just to execute the sun...

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​              Cold             
 
 Because of you I am dead behind the eyes

Because of you I am afraid of happiness,
and even hold guilt for it

I cry for you and I have no idea why

Maybe its because I am afraid that deep down
in a twisted, disturbing and nonsensical way, 
that I am to blame for your loathing of me

The person who gave me life murdered my soul

My memories of a perpetual love and
peaceful home are chalked up to illusions

Guilt creeps in and out of me
as I write this, even

Why do you still have a hold on me,
my soul….my sanity?
My ability to empathize has been tainted

I recall only being happy for a mere six months,
before you put the nail in that coffin too

My subconscious believes you envied
the way I felt about _____.

It killed you to see me happy…
made you manic, even

You knew it would end.
Thus, it was my mind that took the dagger –
not my heart

Unfortunately for you, I was able to love again.

You despised that.

My mind, however…holds the vicious haunts
that you bestowed upon me

For a long while I pined over the question
“what if?”

What if I ignored your tormenting ways
and lived life for me?

The way you did.

What if I dared to disobey you
and think for myself just that one time,
for the first time?

What if I didn’t allow you to make me feel
so minute and powerless, against every shred
of dignity that I pretended to have?

You claimed you had reasons
why you treated me the way
​ you did; and I obliged

I credit you for your honesty –
one can never label you a liar

I’m cold…freezing even, and bitter

        Because of you I have become you.
       
                                                                                
copyright 2017 jen persichetti
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​Haunted
 
You loved the thought of loving me,
but not the act

That is how you slept at night...
you played the victim both in
and out of your slumber

My nights were decrepit and empty
I slept only wanting to continue doing so…ceaselessly.

I wish I could say that was an embellishment

I hated your manipulative ways;
they stay with me to this day

My memory of you is a bleak one;
perched on your favorite stool in the kitchen 
ranting about how miserable you were --
while sipping your morning coffee

Haunted; not thinking, but knowing
how unhappy you were.

I spent my weekdays dreading the sound
of the final bell;
​when freedom was upon my peers

I walked off the bus to my dungeon;
with my backpack in hand.
Pathetically hoping for benevolence

I lingered outside, preparing myself
for the tidal wave of emotions
I was about to endure –

Again.
 

    copyright 2018 jen persichetti
 

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Lighthouse
 
I’m coming out of it – slowly but surely

My body is used to the aches;
my mind used to the turmoil

Chaos is all too familiar to me 
[leaving]
 
I do not see the darkness anymore;
indigo is my hue

As I walk through the tunnel,
I feel empowered…like I’ve beat the odds.
 
I know it’s not a dream
because my dreams are desolate

This…this right here is foreign to me -
this is Euphoria
 
_____________________
 
I’m almost to the lighthouse now
I can see the yellow;
it flashes sporadically before me
 
The shackles are loosening –
the sky is in view….

I hear the waves of sovereignty,
deliverance is upon me.
 
I made it, I finally made peace with
the darkness and embraced the other side
​
This side is so much better than the latter.
Hope resides here, optimism is her neighbor
 
Salvation welcomes me –
at the lighthouse

 
copyright 2018 jen persichetti

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​​Dark
 
And the dark is here...it’s here to stay

I was never fond of vanilla skies
and lovers lane anyway

I prefer the dark.

The skeletons in my closet
wouldn’t have it any other way

Secrets buried deep --
Lies and manipulation intertwined

[The dark is my favorite time of day]

 
 copyright 2018 jen persichetti
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​the underdogs
 
the feelings never fade.
you know the ones…
 
the dreams of becoming “one of them”
thinking your life would
be better if you were…
 
you wonder if you’ll ever escape
the need to fit in
but what does that mean anyway?

 – “FIT IN”
 
aren’t we all in this together?
or so they want us to believe…
 
i guess the world wouldn’t be
quite right without the Misfit
we are popular in our own right –
 
we are the ones wearing the beanies
and the tight pants… black of course
 
you know the kind –
 
we stay in on friday nights
they go out and live for the night
 
 we can’t live without our tea and book
they prefer vodka…straight
and the company of their own
 
we’ll never be one of them…
and that’s okay

​we’ll fight the good fight
and live to tell why
 
-- the anthem of the underdogs

copyright 2018 jen persichetti
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​​Sinister
 
She said you’ll end up living a life like mine
It’s not in the cards for you to be happy…
   ______________
 
Dark as a December morn
Frozen heart and sinister thoughts
​
She stares at you in a way
that numbs you for days
 
She cripples you with her words
You believe the lies and surrender
​to her requests
 
She got to you -
 
Here lie the remains of dignity and grace
Cryptic soul, warped mind
and slaughtered pride

The emaciated shell of what once was
 - Never to be seen again
 
The sea of black departed
and the final words were declared
A single white rose dropped at her feet
 
She always said I’d end up
living a life like hers...

 
​copyright 2018 jen persichetti
 
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